


Angels and Demons

by pinstripedJackalope



Series: TSC Oneshots [8]
Category: The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Character Study, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Introspection, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Not Canon Compliant, Pre-Relationship, Runes, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, izzy is there but not for long
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-30
Updated: 2020-05-30
Packaged: 2021-03-02 17:21:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,674
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24450493
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pinstripedJackalope/pseuds/pinstripedJackalope
Summary: After Alec wakes, freshly healed after his scuffle with Abbadon, he finds that he has a few things to say to Magnus.
Relationships: Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood
Series: TSC Oneshots [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1659478
Comments: 16
Kudos: 48





	Angels and Demons

**Author's Note:**

> I guess this is a series now. Have fun!

The gentle light of the infirmary is the first thing Alec knows upon waking. His sister is standing beside him in the glow from the high, stained glass windows, her long hair pulled back in haphazard ponytail—she raises her hand to his cheek when she realizes his eyes are on her. Her own eyes are looking a little misty. “Hi,” she says, stroking his hair back. 

Alec clears his throat, a strange taste—something like cloves?—on his tongue. “Hey,” he says back, voice hoarse. His eyelids flutter—he’s so sleepy. He feels like he could pass out right now and sleep for the next century, his body is so relaxed. He can’t remember the last time he felt so soothed, the last time he wasn’t in pain—

Eyes flying wide open, he shoots upright, fumbling for his left wrist.

It’s there. The brace is there. He lets out the breath he just sucked in, his head swimming from the sudden movement. It’s okay, though. He’s safe. No one can see. 

“Whoa—” Izzy says, grabbing for his shoulder as he sways a little. How long has it been since he last activated the pain rune? It can’t have been long enough for both of them to fade out—subsequent runes cause the length of time a rune is activated to compound. Unless he’s been out for a lot longer than he thinks he has, something happened to silence the pain. Something—someone must have deactivated the rune or given him a painkilling potion or—

His head spins as he tries to process everything going on inside it. He remembers sitting in his room and slowly tracing the second rune with his stele just before he met up with the others. He remembers leaving his room and Jace cornering him moments before they left, one eyebrow raised. He remembers his _parabatai_ _’s_ words— _your wrist has been acting up again, don_ _’t strain it or whatever_. He remembers what happened with the greater demon, remembers the pain and the ride in the van and even reaching the infirmary. But no matter how hard he tries, there’s a massive hole where the memory of who healed him should be.

He shakes his head, leaning against his sister without meaning to. “Hodge?” he asks, his voice rasping out. If Hodge saw, if Hodge knows—

But Izzy shakes her head. “There’s a lot I need to tell you.”

Alec frowns, still caught up in the question of who healed him. If not Hodge, then who? A silent brother? And where is Jace? He should be here. He’s not in distress or pain so he should—he should be here, he’s always been here, whenever Alec took a hit he’s always—always—

“Easy, bro,” Izzy says, as Alec moans. She runs her fingers through his hair once again, stroking gently. “Magnus did what he could but he said you’d feel pretty weak for a while.”

Magnus? Bane? The High Warlock of Brooklyn? 

…Magnus healed him. Which means that Magnus saw the runes. He must have. And Magnus must have given him a painkilling potion, too—that would certainly explain the taste of cloves. Which means that Alec—weak though he may be—needs to see Magnus, to thank him and, more importantly, to _keep this under wraps_.

Soon. He’ll do that as soon as he can. First he needs to figure out where Jace is, and what’s happened with Hodge, and anything else important that’s come up since he lost consciousness. He needs to get on top of everything, to make sense of it all.

The feeling of purpose, of knowing his next move, settles the frantic haze that’s pulsing under his skin. He pushes away from his sister, taking a few deep, steadying breaths as he meets her eyes.

“Tell me everything,” he says. And she does.

***

Resolving everything takes longer than Alec wants. Every hour without Jace is like another rope looping around his chest, choking the air from him—especially knowing that Jace is in Valentine’s hold and they’re relying on _Clary_ to get him out. Eventually, however, his _parabatai_ gets home safe and (more or less) sound, and Alec is free to go visit Magnus.

Which he does. After he debates for a long, long while and… after a lot of back and forth inside his own head… activates one of the pain runes on his wrist.

Then he’s off. Despite the fact that he wants less and less to confront Magnus about _that_ with every step he takes. He wants to thank Magnus without all of his baggage getting in the way. Thank him and… god, it sounds crazy even in his own mind, but he wants to ask him out? He thinks? Maybe?

…If Magnus is still wants that, anyway. If Magnus ever really wanted it. If Magnus’s flirtations ever actually meant something more than a fun little tease, more than a little joke to prod at the stiff, stuck up shadowhunter.

Alec sighs, coming to a stop at the entrance to Magnus’s building. Maybe he was reading into things. Was he? He doesn’t know. He’s just… so confused. Everything is all jumbled up inside him, this fear that Magnus might have been leading him on the whole time, or that it was real but now that Magnus has seen this other side of him he’s no longer interested, or even, god forbid, that Magnus now thinks Alec is something that needs to be _fixed_. The self-hatred he feels all the time and the anger that rises because of it doesn’t help, and neither does the piece of him that is screaming at him to keep his secrets secret at all costs. Add to that the pain coursing through him like a reminder of every mistake he’s ever made, and the fact that he actually—just— _wants_ Magnus, in a way that he’s never felt before, not even for Jace… this lowkey desire heating his stomach… well. 

It’s a veritable recipe for disaster.

He pauses, leaning against the wall heavily for a long moment. He has to… think about this. He thought he had, but now that he’s closer he’s just… he doesn’t know what to _do_. Ring the buzzer and confront Magnus? Ring the buzzer and _beg_ Magnus? Confront him about what, though? Beg him _for what_? What does Alec _want_? After everything that’s happened, all he’s been though, the pain runes and the greater demon and the near-death-experiences… what is the bottom line?

He doesn’t know. All he knows is that at the very least he should thank Magnus for what he did.

With that in mind, Alec takes a steadying breath and hits the buzzer.

Magnus answers immediately, startling Alec. “ _You_ _’ve been standing out there a while. I thought maybe you weren’t going to ring my bell after all_.”

“Sorry. I just—can I come up?”

Magnus hums for a long moment, as if he’s thinking it over very carefully. “ _Oh, why not_ ,” he says finally, and the door opens.

Alec takes another deep breath, then takes the stairs two at a time.

He’s met by Magnus at the top, his sweeping figure clad in a gauzy dressing robe. The warlock swings the door to the loft open in one graceful motion, allowing Alec through. 

Alec nods in thanks, entering Magnus’s space. He’s barely inside before he’s turning toward Magnus, a “thank you,” spilling from his lips.

Magnus blinks slitted eyes. “For… letting you up?”

God, Alec is already screwing this up. It doesn’t matter that he doesn’t even know what ‘it’ is because he’s already done it _wrong_. 

God. Why is he like this.

“No,” he sighs, then winces. “Well, yes. But more for, you know, uh… saving my life?”

…Why it comes out as a question Alec will never know. He bites the inside of his cheek to stop himself there, practicing damage control. He lifts his gaze from where it’s fixed on one of the floorboards.

Magnus, he finds, is looking at him, one eyebrow cocked. Just… taking him in, eyes half-lidded, a martini glass in one hand. “…I see,” he says after a moment. “Well, that’s certainly not something I hear often from shadowhunter mouths.” Magnus grins, sharp. “…But that can’t be the only thing you’re here to say.”

Alec swallows, swiping his palms on his jeans. Now is the time. What does he want? What does he want? What does he _want_?

The grin is only getting sharper. “Darling, whatever it is you’re thinking is going to make your head explode if you aren’t careful.”

“Sorry,” Alec says, and opens his mouth. “I… I just…”

He falters, sputtering out. As he does, however, a spark of realization seems to go off in Magnus’s eyes, the gold of them lighting up for just a moment. Magnus’s guarded stance and his sharp grin both melt into something softer. “Alexander,” he says, setting down his glass on a nearby table. “If this is about the runes—I wasn’t pleased to see them, but I’m under the impression that nothing has fundamentally changed. I’m still of the opinion that you are someone I’d like to get to know.”

And, with that said, he tips his head and winks, flirtatious to the end.

As if it actually doesn’t matter.

Alec feels his throat start to close up, and he coughs. It hits him all at once, what he really wants. He just… he wants _this_. He wants to have a _friend_ , for once. Maybe a date, but even just a friend is more than enough. Something—some _one_ —simple, who doesn’t make him feel small and insignificant and out of place. Someone who saw the ugliest parts of him, runes and wounds and all, and still decided he was worth it. Even if ‘it’ was just a little flirting.

Alec bites down on a smile, working to face Magnus with a straight face. “In that case,” he says, “would you care to go out to dinner with me?”


End file.
